What was Adoption like for You?
The adoption experience is unique for each adopted person. Awareness about the impact adoption has had on you is hard because it is often ignored by family and loved ones. Family may say things like, “You were a gift to us” or “You were chosen.”
If questions arise outside of the family it may sound like, “Have you found your ‘real’ family?” Negative comments on adoption might have elicited comments like, “But your adoptive family loved you. It was probably better that you were adopted, right?”
None of this is helpful. The narrative in society is generally that adoption is positive. The best outcome for an unplanned pregnancy and to help a childless couple build a family. This narrative leaves out the adoptee.
Adult Adoptees May Feel:
- a sense of loss
- not being grounded
- a lack of focus in their lives
- a general sense of dissatisfaction
- like an outsider
- not good enough
- a sense of genealogical bewilderment
You may be struggling with if you should search for birth family members. There is a desire, however, there is also fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of hurting adoptive and birth parents. It’s a lot to handle alone.
Know that a desire to search for your roots is a normal life stage for adoptees. You may have searched and feel unsure about what to do next. You may be in reunion and are experiencing confusion, anger, and grief that is a surprise.
An adoption competent therapist can help you navigate this difficult landscape. Holding space for you when things are painful and hard to understand. As adoptees, we are often prone to worry about the needs of others above our own. Therapy is a place that is just for you.
Who starts a book at chapter 2? You deserve to be curious about your first chapter in whatever way that manifests for you.