ADOPTEE
What was it like for you?
The adoption experience is unique for each person adopted at birth or later.
Did you hear things like:
You were a gift.
You were chosen.
Have you found your “real” family?
Where are you from-from?
Your mother gave you up out of love or for a “better life.”
These comments become normal for an adoptee which does not make it any easier to hear. The societal adoption narrative is that adoption is beautiful; the best outcome for an unplanned pregnancy and to help a childless couple build a family.
The comments and narrative above make it hard to recognize grief and loss, let alone process it or express desire to know more about your history. Those missing pieces of identity are important.
Coming out of the deep freeze of adoption loss is a shock to the system.
Adopted people may experience:
Loss and grief.
Feeling like an outsider.
Sadness/depression including suicidal ideation.
Not feeling like a real person.
An overall sense of not being good enough.
A tendency to people please.
Fears of abandonment w/family and in relationship.
Avoidance or fear of intimacy.
Secret keeping and/or a rich inner imaginary life.
A sense of genealogical bewilderment.
Racial trauma and identity confusion.
Shame about being relinquished and adopted.
Searching for Family:
If you have begun searching or are in contact with first/birth family members, you may be dealing with unexpected feelings that are disorienting and shocking such as:
Grief such as denial, anger, bargaining, sadness.
Intense fear of abandonment and cut-off.
Rejection and abandonment.
Obsessive checking for information and communication.
Moodiness and irritability.
Headaches, GI issues, muscle aches.
Genetic attraction.
Issues with sleep and appetite.
Anxiety, inability to rest or relax.
Therapy offers space to explore your story through the lens of adoption – maybe for the first time – with a therapist that is also adopted.
For more information on fees, insurance, or getting started check the FAQ & Fees page. More informaton on adoption topics can be found on The Couch, my blog.