What was Adoption like for You?
The adoption experience is unique for each person who was adopted whether at birth or later. Understanding the impact of adoption is challenging and often overlooked.
You may have grown up hearing:
- You were a gift to us.
- You were chosen.
- Have you found your “real” family?
- It was God’s will.
- Your mother “gave you up” out of love.
While these comments are well meaning, they’re not helpful. The common narrative in society is that adoption is positive. It’s the best outcome for an unplanned pregnancy and to help a childless couple build a family. This narrative leaves out the person who was adopted’s voice. I was adopted at birth and I find this problematic. Everyone’s voice counts.
People who were adopted may feel:
- a sense of loss; grief
- a lack of focus
- a general sense of dissatisfaction
- like an outsider
- not real
- not good enough
- genealogical bewilderment
The reason for these feelings is due to the fact that relinquishment – at birth or later – is traumatic. It is an attachment wound that has a long-term impact on an adopted person’s life.
Search and Reunion
You may be struggling with if you should search for first/birth family members. Both desire and fear are normal. Fear of the unknown, fear of hurting parents, and fear of rejection. Remember, nobody starts a book at chapter 2. It’s perfectly reasonable to be curious about the 1st chapter of your life.
If you’re in reunion you may be dealing with some unexpected feelings and behavior.
- social anxiety
I can help you navigate the difficult landscape of adoptee land. Holding space for you when things are painful and hard to understand. People who were adopted are prone to worry about the needs of others above our own. Therapy is a place that is just for you.
Call or email me to set up a 30-minute consultation or to schedule a first full appointment. Additionally, I’m happy to discuss therapy, support groups in the area, search angels, or refer to other adoption competent therapists if you’re not in my area.
Blog topics on adoption.
*I work with individuals aged 18 and up.